Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize