Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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