I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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