So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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