well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
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I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
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I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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