she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize