i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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