Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I would ride that face into the sunset
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize