mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize