I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You have to summon your inner elephant
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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