I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize