found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
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Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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