when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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