I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
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He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
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I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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