So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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