My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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