Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize