my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
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No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
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This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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