Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize