Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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