i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
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Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
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But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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