I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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