At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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