Porn is love you can see.
wanna go halves on a baby?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
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