I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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