I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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