I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
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she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
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He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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