I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just gift wrapped bread.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
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Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
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You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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