So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
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There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
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She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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