how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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