Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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