Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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