shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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