If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
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He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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