Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
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