three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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