I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't apologize to a one balled man
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize