i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize