I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
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He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
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God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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