Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
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No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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