My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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