I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize