Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Barsexuality is the new black.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
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Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
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there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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