I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize