jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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