What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
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ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
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I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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