You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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