We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
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Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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