im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize