Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
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So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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